What I wish I'd believed at 13

I watch the young girls that I work with and I see so many patterns repeated in their lives from my own story... If I could write a letter to my girls to make them believe the things that would have been helpful to me at their age, it would go something like this...

Celebrate what makes you different.
In school, it seems like everyone has to fit it. Anything that makes you different is something that people might dislike about you - something that might make you noticeable for all the wrong reasons. But the truth is that often, once you get into the adult world, those are the things that make you unique - those are the things that people remember and love about you! Embrace who you are and don't hide in order to be like everyone else.

School isn't everything.
I'm not saying don't try your best and I'm not saying drop out of school... but I am saying that you don't need to panic about grades and you don't need to feel guilty about actually having a life outside of school work. There is so much more to learn in life than the stuff they teach you in school and you're only going to learn it if you get out there and live!

Relationships can wait.
Something I never would have believed when I was your age is that 8 years later - at 21, I would be so thankful that I didn't get into a serious relationship at your age. It seems like there are couples everywhere and sometimes all you want is a boyfriend who will walk through school holding hands with you and kiss you as you get on the school bus. Relationships are amazing, but they can also cause a lot of pain and a lot of regret - I would encourage you not to rush into it. Read about it, talk about it, pray about it... but wait for it!

Your parents are probably right.
Now, I could be wrong, because parents are people too and we all screw up and make mistakes, but if your parents are anything like mine, they only want what they think is best for you - and you can't deny that they've had a whole lot more life experience than you have! Sometimes even if its not what you want to hear, their advice can be pretty good and worth actually listening to.

You haven't met everyone yet.
We don't all click with everyone we meet, and if you haven't found some amazing life long friends at school that doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever - there are probably going to be so many people in your life who you will share so much with, and you simply haven't met them yet!

God is interested in you.
We all hear that God loves us, but you need to understand how true that is! He wants you. He loves you and he wants you to love him. He wants you to spend time with him... and he's great company! Invest in your relationship with him and start right now.

Now is Great

"So what are you going to do after you graduate?" must be the most common question that I get asked at the moment. 
The truth is, just like most other people I know who are at the same stage in their lives; I'm less sure now that I ever have been...

In our over organised British culture, this can be a terrifying place to be.

My life is dotted with lists and spreadsheets and calendars. I have always loved to plan - I love to know what's happening next and what I need to do now to be ready for it.

But now, with one year left of my degree, I don't know what's next. I don't know whether I'll get a job or an internship or go travelling or study more... I don't know where I'll live or who I'll live with, I don't know how much money I'll have and what my budget will be. I don't know. And I'm learning that that is okay. 

I'm learning that "now is great" and that enjoying the moment is an incredibly fulfilling way to live. 

How do I reconcile this with my ever-British compulsive need to have a plan? ...well, I do have a plan - I just don't know what it is!...

A good friend of mine from Uganda recently asked me what my expectations were for a Christian festival that I'm going to. He was genuinely shocked by my answer; "I don't know... whatever God wants to do." My friend explained that its such a counter-cultural attitude compared to his experience of most English people (and his experience of me a couple of years back!). Its an attitude that I'm learning to embrace because I know that my God has a plan and I don't always have to know what it is.

So what am I going to do after I graduate? I'm going to love God and love the people he puts in front of me. I'm going to do my best to trust him and follow him wherever he takes me and do whatever he asks me to do. I'm going to embrace not knowing because I never imagined that life would be how it is now, but God brought me here and now is great!

Let's not get so caught up in trying to figure out what to do next that we forget to live right now. Let's not worry so much about the future that we miss what's going on around us in the moment. Life is brilliant! Embrace it! Stop and look around and soak in all the details of a life you're living right now. Put the future into God's hands because there will always be a future to worry about but there is only ever one 'right now'.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

(One of) The Best Jobs in the World

Call me mad but this weekend I took a group of 8-18 year olds camping at SPREE 2015! Our young people spent the weekend playing on inflatables, swimming, squirting each other with water pistols and making fires. We ate some amazing food, ran around in the woods, sat on the grass making friendship bracelets and chatted about God's love and rescue plan.

Youth work is exhausting... somehow, in a weekend we attempted to build relationships, introduce young people to Jesus, keep them hydrated and fed, prevent sunburn, deal with scrapes, not lose anyone, entertain everyone, find lost possessions, teach kids how to be responsible, answer really deep theological questions... I could go on! And all that on 4 hours sleep! (Yes, they got up with the sun at 5am!)

But the truth is, although I came home on Sunday evening with absolutely no energy left, I came home with a real gratitude to God for the work that I get to do. I may deal with a lot of drama and madness and yes, sometimes my young people drive me slightly crazy, but I have a love for them beyond any capacity I ever thought myself capable of. I get to chat and laugh and cry with them. I get to pray with them and share my faith with them. I get to watch them grow as they let God transform them and I get to journey with them through their struggles and trials.

2 years ago the one thing that I was sure I would never do was youth work - I wasn't cool enough or capable enough for that... but as I've trusted him, God has shown me what it means to let him work through us. 2 years ago I didn't think myself capable of loving this many people this much, but as I've prayed, God has grown my heart to truly and genuinely love these young people in a way that only he can, and has opened my eyes to see these young people how he sees them.

So whether I'm cleaning up mess, comforting a frightened 10 year old, disciplining a cheeky teenager or praying with an excited group of young girls, I do it all from a place of love that only my heavenly Father can make. I do it all only because my God is so much bigger than my own abilities and self-expectations and I give him all the glory and thanks because he's blessed me so much to spend my time investing in these precious young lives.

Has the Church forgotten how to pray?

Something that has been on my heart for a good few months now is the heartbreaking truth that so many people don't know God... and I'm not just talking about those who aren't Christian. There are far too many people in our churches, house groups and christian friendship circles, who don't know God. 

They might know a lot about God, they might know the Bible well, they might be able to quote scripture and discuss theology. They might even be preaching, leading Sunday School and writing books, but there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God.

This genuinely breaks my heart. Its not a judgement; its a cry from my heart that we need to do something about this, because intimacy with my creator is the most beautiful experience that I have the inexpressible joy of knowing daily, and I want that for everyone. 

To be able to chat with God about what you're watching on TV, to be able to laugh with him as you try to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, to shout at him when you're angry and cry to him when you're heart is hurting, to share your yearnings and fears, your successes and failures, your random thoughts and your meaningless ramblings - this is genuine friendship and real intimacy. This is what God wants us to have with him.

It blows my mind that this kind of relationship is possible with the creator of our world, the most Holy God whose glory fills the earth. And yet it is exactly what he wants for us.

I wonder whether we need to re-learn how to pray? We model prayer from the front of church as something that you read off of a piece of paper in a voice that you never use in normal conversation, and too many people never get to see that prayer can be an informal and intimate conversation. They never learn to recognise the countless ways that God communicates to us because we so rarely talk about it... they're missing out big time and it's heartbreaking. 

Have you ever tried chatting with God in the same way that you would with a friend? Chat to him about what you see around you, tell him the best and worst bit of your day... tell him a joke! (hmm this is where omniscience kinda ruins the punch-line!)
Have you ever asked him a random question? ... "God, If I was a type of breakfast cereal, what would I be?" 
"God, what is your favourite thing about me?" 
"God, when was the last time you wept over me?"

Chase after God and lose yourself in the depths of intimacy with him that will never run out.

... and then go tell someone about it so they can know God too!

Unexpected Beach Trips

Recently, I had an experience that I had imagined countless times, but I wasn't sure whether it would ever become a reality. When I first moved to the Isle of Wight, I used to make a regular trip down to my favourite beach - I enjoyed the drive and would use the opportunity to take some time out to pray and think. 

I'll always miss my friends in Uganda, but back then I had just moved back to the UK and was really struggling... I used to daydream about one day bringing a friend from Uganda to the beach with me. I can remember so many times that I drove that journey imagining what it would be like to have one of my precious friends that I'd met 4000 miles away sitting next to me as we drove towards the ocean.

Well, this month I had a visit from my friend Lawrence. He's been in the UK for a few months because he got married here in December, but just before he went back to Uganda, he made a visit to the island... so I took him to the beach! We had such a brilliant day and I absolutely loved getting to show one of my favourite parts of God's creation to a friend who had never seen anything like it before. 

The fact that the sea is salty and that the rocks in the cliff have straight lines in them from where the layers have built up, the fact that you cant see anything on the other side of the water and that the beach is bigger or smaller at different times of day - all of these things were new to Lawrence and it was such a blessing to get to show him.

The thing is, when I first met Lawrence, I never would have imagined that one day I would see him in England. When I first moved to the island, although I used to daydream about taking friends from Uganda to the beach, I never really expected it to actually happen.

... but this did happen!

I believe in a God who is bigger than 4000miles and the cost of a plane ticket and the logistics of a visa. I believe in a God who is bigger than my expectations and who loves to surprise us and bless us.

I'm excited to see what else he'll surprise me with as I continue to enjoy the adventures he takes me on ...maybe I should think even bigger with my daydreams!

When we come running

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of giving one of the talks at a youth weekend away that we ran. I love talking, and I love sharing truth with people, so it was something I was excited about doing, but I wasn't expecting to be impacted quite as much as I was. In the time that I spent preparing for this talk, God taught me so much and I wanted to share it...

Ephesians 1:5 says "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

The very idea of that just blows my mind! The God of the universe, who made the stars and the oceans, the all powerful God of the Bible who could choose anything of his desire to make him happy... chose us to bring him 'great pleasure'.

I've spent the past couple of weeks just soaking in the fresh realization of how much God loves me and wants me. Its something we all get told so much and whilst I've known it for years, I've understood it in a new and powerful way recently, and I pray that you can too!

I told a story in my talk about a little girl - the daughter of one of my good friends. The story was from a moment when I arrived to pick her up and before I even had time to walk to the door, she came running out to me with her arms outstretched and she barreled into my arms. This was such a precious moment to me. I could tell stories about her doing wise and intelligent and funny things, but my favorite moments are those when she comes running... she's not even my child, so how much more does God love it when we come running to him?!

I've learnt recently that we don't always have to talk when we spend time with God... and he doesn't necessarily have to talk either if he chooses not to, but we can just enjoy sitting at his feet - enjoying just resting in his presence, knowing that he is here and he loves us and we love him. I can't explain the love of God in words... but I'm sure he'll have no trouble revealing it to you if you'll give him the chance.