Do we need to stop working so hard?

I recently learnt (again!) an important lesson about rest. In the midst of life and study and ministry its so easy to just keep going and never take any time out. Too often I find myself climbing into bed at the end of the day having not stopped since I left the house in the morning... part of that is the nature of youth work as I do admin in the day and then have youth groups in the evenings at a time when any other sane person would be having time off... but part of it is my own lack of planning and, if I'm honest, pride.

Again and again I seem to have to learn the lesson that my value and worth is not found in how much work I can do or how well I can do it. That is for God's glory - not mine, because ultimately, he is the one enabling it all to happen.

Instead, my value and my worth is found in my status as a daughter of the King of Kings.

Nothing I can do or fail to do will ever change that.

So today I woke up a little earlier and instead of getting up and going straight to work, I went for a walk. For the first time in too long I actually took the time to look around and appreciate the little things that make me smile - the sound of birds singing or surprised smile on the face of the postman I said 'hi' to.

As I walked, I remembered the familiar words of Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul."

Rest is a commandment and is something that God planned for us and wants for us. I'm glad he's reminded me of that and I hope we can all remember to stop every now and then and simply get some rest!

Why it's good to be vulnerable

I really struggle with small talk.

I love friendships and conversations that are sincere and deep. There is a time and a place for small talk and for discussing the weather and the price of eggs, but the heart of our friendships is formed on real conversation which demands honesty and vulnerability. Two of my favourite questions to ask my friends are 'what has God been teaching you lately?' and 'how is your heart?' - a question which says 'how are you?' without permission for an answer of 'I'm fine, how are you?'. 

I want to ask my friends questions which demonstrate to them that I really care about how they really are. I want to know about their struggles and their achievements, the things that they're excited about and the things that they fear. I want to have conversations about the things that we're learning. I want to reflect on life together and grow together.

It's in these conversations that friendships grow deep and that life really happens.

Deep conversations demand vulnerability. It's scary to share what's on your heart with another human being. But being willing to be vulnerable with the people we choose to be friends with is one of the most profitable things that we can do. It demonstrates trust, aids understanding and grows love.

In a few weeks time I'll be speaking at a youth event with the title 'Faith is Relational'. Its something I'm looking forward to exploring and writing because for a long time I've held the conviction that the most important things in life are our relationships with others. But if the best relationships with friends are the ones where we are willing to be vulnerable and share the depths of our hearts, surely the same applies to God? 

So many of our prayers are questions and requests... but some of the most powerful prayers are different from that. Some of the most powerful prayers are the one's where we just talk, where we say "God I'm so frustrated! I can't believe that this of all things would decide to happen today!" or "God I've had a brilliant day today, this happened and that happened and I'm so excited about this!"

God wants our hearts, not our lists. He is a relational God and he cares so deeply about each of us. Just like I want to hear from my friends about what is on their hearts, God wants the same from us. He wants us to trust him and love him and he wants to be there when we need to vent and when we want to get excited.

We're created as relational people and I truly believe that life is fuller when we're more open - with one another and with God.

So... How's your heart?

What I wish I'd believed at 13

I watch the young girls that I work with and I see so many patterns repeated in their lives from my own story... If I could write a letter to my girls to make them believe the things that would have been helpful to me at their age, it would go something like this...

Celebrate what makes you different.
In school, it seems like everyone has to fit it. Anything that makes you different is something that people might dislike about you - something that might make you noticeable for all the wrong reasons. But the truth is that often, once you get into the adult world, those are the things that make you unique - those are the things that people remember and love about you! Embrace who you are and don't hide in order to be like everyone else.

School isn't everything.
I'm not saying don't try your best and I'm not saying drop out of school... but I am saying that you don't need to panic about grades and you don't need to feel guilty about actually having a life outside of school work. There is so much more to learn in life than the stuff they teach you in school and you're only going to learn it if you get out there and live!

Relationships can wait.
Something I never would have believed when I was your age is that 8 years later - at 21, I would be so thankful that I didn't get into a serious relationship at your age. It seems like there are couples everywhere and sometimes all you want is a boyfriend who will walk through school holding hands with you and kiss you as you get on the school bus. Relationships are amazing, but they can also cause a lot of pain and a lot of regret - I would encourage you not to rush into it. Read about it, talk about it, pray about it... but wait for it!

Your parents are probably right.
Now, I could be wrong, because parents are people too and we all screw up and make mistakes, but if your parents are anything like mine, they only want what they think is best for you - and you can't deny that they've had a whole lot more life experience than you have! Sometimes even if its not what you want to hear, their advice can be pretty good and worth actually listening to.

You haven't met everyone yet.
We don't all click with everyone we meet, and if you haven't found some amazing life long friends at school that doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever - there are probably going to be so many people in your life who you will share so much with, and you simply haven't met them yet!

God is interested in you.
We all hear that God loves us, but you need to understand how true that is! He wants you. He loves you and he wants you to love him. He wants you to spend time with him... and he's great company! Invest in your relationship with him and start right now.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

Beauty and Brokenness

I've written and re-written this post so many times now... what I'm trying to express is close to being inexpressible... and yet my heart is crying so loud about it that I can't give up on trying to put it into words.

There is such a tension in my heart... 

Part of me wants to send everyone to Africa. I want everyone to spend time living with local people and learning about the culture and letting Africa capture your heart in the same way that it has done to mine. I want you to go and live and experience and understand... because no words that I can write or speak will ever express what Africa has taught me.

Africa is so beautiful and we have so much to learn from her and her people. In Africa, I learnt the real meaning of generosity. I learnt the real meaning of selflessness. I learnt how valuable and precious each individual person is. I learnt how to celebrate. I learnt what joy is. I learnt what it means to have strength and courage. And I want everyone to learn all of this too.

And yet, another part of me wants to stop anyone from ever having anything to do with Africa... I want to protect this beautiful continent and her incredible, strong, loving and gracious people from the broken world that the west is. I can see the effect of globalization and my heart breaks when I see well meaning people from the west inadvertently robbing Africa of what makes her Africa. In our arrogant state we assume that we can be the hero and fix the problems of Africa, but we fail to recognize the brokenness of our own culture and we don't realize that we're dripping our own brokenness into this precious continent... whilst we might be helping in some ways, we're only breaking her in other ways in the process.

But among all of this is the evil reality of extreme poverty. How can any of us stand back and continue in our selfish, luxurious lives, knowing that families are starving and hurting and dying and being stripped of their dignity? My African friends teach me daily that poverty is not faceless. Poverty is something which effects real people who are individuals with likes and dislikes and hopes and dreams. They have gifts and talents and hurts and challenges... they all have a story. These are real people and I wish we could understand that and stop talking about "poverty" and start talking about people... and then start doing something about it.

...but my prayer is that we can do something about it by working together and recognizing how much we have to learn, and how much everyone has to offer. My prayer is that in fighting the injustice we call "poverty", none of us will lose who we are, but instead, we'll learn from each other, hope together, love one another and celebrate together. 

Everyone should have a close friend who is living with poverty... then maybe we might all understand that people are real, and that poverty is unfair, and that we all hold the solution.

But actually, no one should have a close friend who is living with poverty... because poverty shouldn't exist. Perhaps if we gave each other a chance, we could learn how to overcome it together.

Why teenagers can be some of the most inspirational people you'll meet

I feel so blessed to work with the young people that God has put in my life... they're all incredible, beautiful, loving people and although sometimes they act like the young teenagers that everyone expects them to be, they so often they just blow me away with their maturity and wisdom when I give them my time and the opportunity to show it.

Being 13 is really hard; I wouldn't want to go back and battle my way through all the dramas of secondary school again, but looking back I know that I actually had it really easy compared to some of these girls that I work with. As if growing up in itself isn't hard enough, some kids can be so cruel to each other, some homes aren't the kind of places that you'd really want to spend much time, some families are broken in unimaginable ways and some young people have to deal with so much that most people don't even know about.

The girls that I work with are incredible. Behind all the giggles and teenage drama are a bunch of young girls who are navigating their way through life as they start to become young women. They think deeply and love passionately and hurt terribly and care strongly. 
They have hopes and dreams and they're desperate to grow into young women who will not only fulfill their dreams but to help others too.

Ultimately, they just want to love and to know that they are loved and all they're trying to do is figure out how to make sure that that is a reality. Love is such a powerful thing and I've seen massive transformation in some young people just by having people in their lives who choose to genuinely believe that they are amazing and to tell them that.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that my young people blow me away. Most of the time that I spend with them is filled with games, hot chocolate and giggles... but every now and then, one of them will come out with a little gem and tell me something, or ask a question, or do something that reminds me quite how deeply they think, care and love. I praise God that he would give me the privilege of watching him work in these beautiful, incredible young lives.

Joy

I am so lucky to have what I have. Through the generosity of others and the grace of God I live in a heated house with my own bedroom, I sleep in a comfortable bed and eat three meals a day, I have my own phone and laptop and even a car.

And yet, sometimes all I want is to sleep on a thin foam mattress on a concrete floor under a net. I want to walk to the bore hole to fetch some water so that I can bathe outside and wash my clothes in a bucket. I want to spend hours picking stones and dirt out of beans and rice and then cook them over charcoal. I want to sit on the floor in the evenings reading the bible by candlelight with friends and singing worship to our incredible God.

Evening devotions in Kuffu 2013

I’m so grateful for the incredible generosity that people have shown to me, but I believe that joy has very little to do with the things that we have. The reason that I love life in the village so much is not because I enjoy carrying jerry cans full of water and sweating over a charcoal stove, but because these things remind me of a truly joyful time; a time when I discovered that joy is so much deeper and so much simpler than the things that we think we need. I was living and working with people I loved, doing what we all knew that God had called us to. We had no flushing toilets or running water, let alone electricity or internet, so we spent our free time talking, singing, reading and praying. We invested our time in our relationships with each other and with God rather than in our Facebook profiles and the shows we might watch on TV.

Kuffu bore hole 2013

When we strip away all the "stuff" we have, we might think that life would be difficult. For some people; those who really do have less than they need, life actually is difficult and that is a total injustice. But that's a whole different issue (and don't get me started!)... When we know that the necessities are taken care of, we give ourselves a chance to come back to a much a simpler way of a life and to realize that all the luxuries have very little effect on how happy we really are.

In the UK, society is constantly telling us that we need more things and more comfort… but perhaps sometimes we need to stop listening to that, and to realise where our joy really comes from. My most joyful moments are not those when I watch a film or check Facebook; they're times when I'm with friends and family and doing the things I know that God has called me to. I feel the most blessed not when I eat a good meal or curl up in a warm bed, but when I get to see God at work and to know that he's let me play a small part in that. 

Whether I'm in a rural village in the middle of Uganda, or a little town in the middle of the Isle of Wight, I believe that the things I have or don't have will have very little effect on my true joy. That is something that comes through relationships - with those people that God places in our lives and above all; with God himself. In these, I know that I'm truly blessed wherever I am in the world!

If you want to find out about my life as a student youth worker on the Isle of Wight, have a read of my other blog at http://gunvillemethodistyouthwork.blogspot.co.uk/

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Stuart

Just over a year ago, I met a child called Stuart. Stuart was once a healthy little boy, but on the day that I met him, Stuart's mother had been asked to pay double the usual fare to bring her son on public transport because the driver had thought that he was a corpse. Stuart was suffering terribly from Cerebral Palsy that he had developed after contracting malaria, which spread to his brain when his family couldn't afford to treat it.
Children with cerebral palsy need regular physiotherapy to stretch out their tight muscles, but nobody had known that this was what Stuart needed, and so his condition had worsened until his body was so tense that people actually thought that he was dead.

I'll never forget the day that I met Stuart. He was indeed alive that day, but there was no life in his eyes. It was one of the most haunting and devastating things I'd ever seen. This was what I wrote in my diary that day:

"Stuart was really, really thin. It reminded me of photos I've seen from the holocaust. He looked at me with wide eyes but there was just nothing there. Moses started his physiotherapy and he cried with such a horrific look in his eyes, but there was just no life behind them; it was horrible."

Last week I was told the sad news that Stuart passed away this summer. I never knew Stuart when he was healthy, but I hope that someday I'll meet him in a place where he is more alive than ever.

The truth is that Stuart died because he lived in poverty. If he had had access to proper malaria prevention and treatment, Stuart would still be a healthy little boy running and playing in his village in Uganda today.

Stuart and his Mum

The truth is also that many people will read this blog, and feel sad for a moment, but then close the window and continue with their day. I often do the same because its easier and less painful to distance ourselves from the injustice in the world and its much more comfortable to make no effort to do anything about it.
So while we enjoy coffees out with friends, nice new smartphones, an endless supply of clean water and all the other things that we take for granted, somebody's child is dying. 

If a member of your family was in the same situation, few of us would even have to think at all before we did something to help them. But for those of us who are Christians, these people really are our brothers and sisters. If we actually acted that way, the world might be a very different place.

I can't tell you specifically what to do about this... God calls each of us to act differently and who am I to know how to combat poverty anyway!? But what I do know is that if we don't do anything, then nothing is going to change, So please... before you click on the little 'X' in the corner of your screen... take a moment to decide what you are going to do about the injustice in this world, and then actually do it.

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Kisaakye Rehabilitation Centre is a locally run charity that works with disabled children in villages in the Kayunga District of Uganda where I met Stuart. They gave me permission to share Stuart's story, and they continue to work with many other children in similar situations. Tragically, this week another child that they work with died. Her name was Amazing Grace. Kisaakye desperately need support to continue the work that they do and to prevent this story from repeating for more children. They have a Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/kisaakye.rehabilitation