Again, please stop asking when I'm going to get married!

Around 2 years ago, I wrote a blog post called 'Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!' ...shortly afterwards the guy I'd written about in that post; the one whom the ladies at church had been winking at(!), asked me to be his girlfriend. We've had the most wonderful months since then, getting to know one another and doing our best to figure out how we do this 'dating' thing as Christians in a way that best honours God and honours each other. 

So for those who kept asking me when I was going to meet 'a nice young man,' I now can point them in the direction of my best friend - a 'nice young man' who's love for God drew my heart to his.

...but the question hasn't gone away, and with our lives becoming more and more filled with news of friends' engagements, weddings and even babies, it only seems to be becoming all the more frequent.

As though maybe we've made such a big decision and chosen not to tell you...?!

I love this 'nice young man' with all my heart, and I can't imagine a future without him, but if we choose to spend that future together, it's likely to last a long time... so I'd rather know that we've both taken the time we need to be sure of our choice to love one another for the entirety of it. And until then, I'd rather spend the present living in the present. 

I know your question is well meant; a desire to celebrate with us? A gentle nudge towards what you think will be a great life for us? ...but in all honesty, it's not helping with that whole 'living in the present' thing.

Thank you; genuinely, for your well meant thoughts. But can I suggest something else? 

Next time you want to ask whether that question has been asked, ask us instead what we're learning about love. Ask us what we're learning about Jesus through one another. Ask us how we're doing with figuring out the way we're choosing to date as Christians.

...the truth is, our lives are about more than our relationship status (thank God!). Married or not, we will have good days and bad days, we will be learning and growing, hoping and dreaming, struggling and celebrating. We will be running towards Jesus and doing our best to live our lives in the way that he designed us to live them... and we'd love to share them with you!

Why I'll never be satisfied and why that's a good thing

A while ago, a good friend of mine told me that he hopes that he is never satisfied in his relationship with God - that he hopes that he never reaches a place where he feels he is close enough to God.  I thought it was an odd thing to say, but I think I kind of get his point - God is so big and incredible that any state of thinking we've reached a place of knowing the fullness of him is surely an illusion.

There will always be more of God for me to know, there will always be a deeper intimacy with him available, and I so I should always be seeking more than I already have. 

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote; "I want to know Christ... not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

The pursuit is unrelenting; the thirst for more of God is unquenchable. The more I find of Him, the more I want... and I find that really hard.

...but I'm beginning to learn that there is joy to be found in running towards God. With each step that takes me closer towards Him, I find a joy I've never known elsewhere. With each step deeper into intimacy with Him I experience more and more of his love - a love sweeter that I know how to describe. 

There is a song I've been listening to for a while called 'In Over My Head' (Which you can listen to here), the lyrics do a better job of describing this than I do...

I have come to this place in my life I’m full but I’ve not satisfied This longing to have more of YouI can feel it my heart is convincedI’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched ... 

...Take me back to the place where my heart was only about YouAnd all I wanted was just to be with You... 

...Further and further my heart moves away from the shoreWhatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

The longing is insatiable, but the depths of intimacy with my creator are bottomless. But there is joy in the pursuit of Him and I'm only just beginning to discover it.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

Has the Church forgotten how to pray?

Something that has been on my heart for a good few months now is the heartbreaking truth that so many people don't know God... and I'm not just talking about those who aren't Christian. There are far too many people in our churches, house groups and christian friendship circles, who don't know God. 

They might know a lot about God, they might know the Bible well, they might be able to quote scripture and discuss theology. They might even be preaching, leading Sunday School and writing books, but there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God.

This genuinely breaks my heart. Its not a judgement; its a cry from my heart that we need to do something about this, because intimacy with my creator is the most beautiful experience that I have the inexpressible joy of knowing daily, and I want that for everyone. 

To be able to chat with God about what you're watching on TV, to be able to laugh with him as you try to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, to shout at him when you're angry and cry to him when you're heart is hurting, to share your yearnings and fears, your successes and failures, your random thoughts and your meaningless ramblings - this is genuine friendship and real intimacy. This is what God wants us to have with him.

It blows my mind that this kind of relationship is possible with the creator of our world, the most Holy God whose glory fills the earth. And yet it is exactly what he wants for us.

I wonder whether we need to re-learn how to pray? We model prayer from the front of church as something that you read off of a piece of paper in a voice that you never use in normal conversation, and too many people never get to see that prayer can be an informal and intimate conversation. They never learn to recognise the countless ways that God communicates to us because we so rarely talk about it... they're missing out big time and it's heartbreaking. 

Have you ever tried chatting with God in the same way that you would with a friend? Chat to him about what you see around you, tell him the best and worst bit of your day... tell him a joke! (hmm this is where omniscience kinda ruins the punch-line!)
Have you ever asked him a random question? ... "God, If I was a type of breakfast cereal, what would I be?" 
"God, what is your favourite thing about me?" 
"God, when was the last time you wept over me?"

Chase after God and lose yourself in the depths of intimacy with him that will never run out.

... and then go tell someone about it so they can know God too!

When we come running

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of giving one of the talks at a youth weekend away that we ran. I love talking, and I love sharing truth with people, so it was something I was excited about doing, but I wasn't expecting to be impacted quite as much as I was. In the time that I spent preparing for this talk, God taught me so much and I wanted to share it...

Ephesians 1:5 says "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

The very idea of that just blows my mind! The God of the universe, who made the stars and the oceans, the all powerful God of the Bible who could choose anything of his desire to make him happy... chose us to bring him 'great pleasure'.

I've spent the past couple of weeks just soaking in the fresh realization of how much God loves me and wants me. Its something we all get told so much and whilst I've known it for years, I've understood it in a new and powerful way recently, and I pray that you can too!

I told a story in my talk about a little girl - the daughter of one of my good friends. The story was from a moment when I arrived to pick her up and before I even had time to walk to the door, she came running out to me with her arms outstretched and she barreled into my arms. This was such a precious moment to me. I could tell stories about her doing wise and intelligent and funny things, but my favorite moments are those when she comes running... she's not even my child, so how much more does God love it when we come running to him?!

I've learnt recently that we don't always have to talk when we spend time with God... and he doesn't necessarily have to talk either if he chooses not to, but we can just enjoy sitting at his feet - enjoying just resting in his presence, knowing that he is here and he loves us and we love him. I can't explain the love of God in words... but I'm sure he'll have no trouble revealing it to you if you'll give him the chance.

Why Giving is Not the Answer to Poverty

"Tired of the way they portray you in the media, So I'm trying to bring change in the way that they see ya. Mother who gave birth to the children of Africa."

These are lyrics from a song called "Letter to TINA" by Fuse ODG in response to 2014's Band Aid single. Its from his album "TINA" which stands for "This Is New Africa" and I just love the message of it... 

"It's like were fighting the media, They show us the wrong vibe I've been reading up.I'm trying to show a different side to what they're feeding us. Time to regurgitate the lies we've been eating up."

I can only write from what I know, and that is only a few people in a small part of a small country in Africa. But what I can write from my experience, in absolute confidence is that the people of Africa are beautiful and generous and determined and incredible. I believe that many of us have so much more to gain and learn from the people of Africa than we can ever hope to offer them in return and it breaks my heart that as a continent, Africa is so often portrayed in a way that strips people of their dignity and that shows only a small part of what makes Africa Africa.

Poverty is cruel and unjust and wrong... there is no question about that and my heart will forever be broken by suffering caused by the injustice in this world, but perhaps we need to reassess the way that we fight poverty.

I don't believe that the answer to poverty is to give out food and clothing and shelter. By giving out hand-outs, the symptoms of poverty might be quenched for a short while, but the monster itself is only fed and the solution is unsustainable. I believe that the answer to poverty is to empower people. This way, people can reach a point where they are able to provide their own food and clothing and shelter and whatever else they chose to get, but they will not only have the physical things that they need, but also dignity, purpose and hope that their dreams are actually achievable.

"I'm making music because I want to change the perception of Africa.When I was younger...The perception of Africa was kids with flies around their mouth's and hunger and poverty and stuff like that.But we're grown now, were successful men, were doing our thing."

So please, let's stand with our brothers and sisters as we seek to fight this awful evil that we call poverty, but let's recognize that each and every individual has a purpose and has something incredible to offer, and let's expect to be humbled by the ocean of wisdom, determination, passion and potential that I believe Africa has.

There are countless ways to support and stand with our brothers and sisters... but here are just a few that I think are brilliant:

- Microfinance
By providing zero or low interest loans and the right support and training to people who have an idea, they can be empowered to set up their own business to support and provide for themselves and their families long term.
http://www.lendwithcare.org/

- Child Sponsorship
"Education is Power" was the motto at a school I used to teach at. An education unlocks the door to so many opportunities, and sponsorship is a way to give children across the world an education when their own families might not be able to pay for school fees.
http://www.smileinternational.org/sponsor-a-child.aspx
http://www.compassionuk.org/?gclid=CO_s3Ye9icMCFSWJ2wod9iQAGg

- Prayer
Prayer is the most powerful thing we have. I believe in a God of love, power and wisdom, and we should all be standing in prayer with our brothers and sisters around the world.

Listen to the song: "Letter to TINA" here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYScLhEZC9I

Why teenagers can be some of the most inspirational people you'll meet

I feel so blessed to work with the young people that God has put in my life... they're all incredible, beautiful, loving people and although sometimes they act like the young teenagers that everyone expects them to be, they so often they just blow me away with their maturity and wisdom when I give them my time and the opportunity to show it.

Being 13 is really hard; I wouldn't want to go back and battle my way through all the dramas of secondary school again, but looking back I know that I actually had it really easy compared to some of these girls that I work with. As if growing up in itself isn't hard enough, some kids can be so cruel to each other, some homes aren't the kind of places that you'd really want to spend much time, some families are broken in unimaginable ways and some young people have to deal with so much that most people don't even know about.

The girls that I work with are incredible. Behind all the giggles and teenage drama are a bunch of young girls who are navigating their way through life as they start to become young women. They think deeply and love passionately and hurt terribly and care strongly. 
They have hopes and dreams and they're desperate to grow into young women who will not only fulfill their dreams but to help others too.

Ultimately, they just want to love and to know that they are loved and all they're trying to do is figure out how to make sure that that is a reality. Love is such a powerful thing and I've seen massive transformation in some young people just by having people in their lives who choose to genuinely believe that they are amazing and to tell them that.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that my young people blow me away. Most of the time that I spend with them is filled with games, hot chocolate and giggles... but every now and then, one of them will come out with a little gem and tell me something, or ask a question, or do something that reminds me quite how deeply they think, care and love. I praise God that he would give me the privilege of watching him work in these beautiful, incredible young lives.

Stuart

Just over a year ago, I met a child called Stuart. Stuart was once a healthy little boy, but on the day that I met him, Stuart's mother had been asked to pay double the usual fare to bring her son on public transport because the driver had thought that he was a corpse. Stuart was suffering terribly from Cerebral Palsy that he had developed after contracting malaria, which spread to his brain when his family couldn't afford to treat it.
Children with cerebral palsy need regular physiotherapy to stretch out their tight muscles, but nobody had known that this was what Stuart needed, and so his condition had worsened until his body was so tense that people actually thought that he was dead.

I'll never forget the day that I met Stuart. He was indeed alive that day, but there was no life in his eyes. It was one of the most haunting and devastating things I'd ever seen. This was what I wrote in my diary that day:

"Stuart was really, really thin. It reminded me of photos I've seen from the holocaust. He looked at me with wide eyes but there was just nothing there. Moses started his physiotherapy and he cried with such a horrific look in his eyes, but there was just no life behind them; it was horrible."

Last week I was told the sad news that Stuart passed away this summer. I never knew Stuart when he was healthy, but I hope that someday I'll meet him in a place where he is more alive than ever.

The truth is that Stuart died because he lived in poverty. If he had had access to proper malaria prevention and treatment, Stuart would still be a healthy little boy running and playing in his village in Uganda today.

Stuart and his Mum

The truth is also that many people will read this blog, and feel sad for a moment, but then close the window and continue with their day. I often do the same because its easier and less painful to distance ourselves from the injustice in the world and its much more comfortable to make no effort to do anything about it.
So while we enjoy coffees out with friends, nice new smartphones, an endless supply of clean water and all the other things that we take for granted, somebody's child is dying. 

If a member of your family was in the same situation, few of us would even have to think at all before we did something to help them. But for those of us who are Christians, these people really are our brothers and sisters. If we actually acted that way, the world might be a very different place.

I can't tell you specifically what to do about this... God calls each of us to act differently and who am I to know how to combat poverty anyway!? But what I do know is that if we don't do anything, then nothing is going to change, So please... before you click on the little 'X' in the corner of your screen... take a moment to decide what you are going to do about the injustice in this world, and then actually do it.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Kisaakye Rehabilitation Centre is a locally run charity that works with disabled children in villages in the Kayunga District of Uganda where I met Stuart. They gave me permission to share Stuart's story, and they continue to work with many other children in similar situations. Tragically, this week another child that they work with died. Her name was Amazing Grace. Kisaakye desperately need support to continue the work that they do and to prevent this story from repeating for more children. They have a Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/kisaakye.rehabilitation