#ItsNotJesus

There are 2 viral hashtags going around at the moment, #thingschristianwomenhear and #youdontknowevangelicals

Reading through twitter this evening, some of them have made me laugh out loud:

#youdontknowevangelicals if you've never had Church leaders prefer you being taught Christian doctrine by cartoon vegetables than by a woman

#youdontknowevangelicals if you've never walked into an unexpectedly empty house and wondered if the Rapture happened without you

Others have made me cringe with regret and sadness at the way that people have been treated by others in the church... 

That people in the church are making people feel inadequate, undervalued and disrespected is not okay. But whilst it might be common, it's not Jesus.

I see plenty of hurt in the church - too much... it's caused and inflicted by broken people. But the truth is that even when the church has let you down, Jesus hasn't - and he wont. There are those in the church (and in the rest of the world!) who oppress and blame and undervalue and mistreat. But there are also those in the world who really are being used by God... these are the people who build up and restore and listen and care. They encourage and invest in others and love deeply and fight for justice.

This is the church that I know and am proud to be a part of... we don't pretend to be perfect. The church is centred on the fact that we're broken and sinful and in need of a saviour. Even the most decent people will inflict pain at some point in their lives. But we do have a saviour. A saviour who radically fought against an oppressive culture and spoke of limitless love, generosity and peace. A saviour who defeated the power of sin and death and promised a future of hope.

So, here's my hands up - I am a Christian, I am an evangelical, I am flawed, I am sorry... But I know a God who loves me in my brokenness and chooses to use this messed up church to bring his hope to all the world.

When did church become a once a week event?

When did church become something that we go to on a Sunday morning? 

It might seem like a ridiculous question to ask - I've been going to church almost every Sunday morning for the past 22 years. I've been to church in countries all around the world, in different languages, with different styles of music and varying qualities of teaching... but they're all relatively similar... and yet when I look at the Bible it doesn't really seem to fit with what I think a Biblical idea of 'church' looks like.

When I look to the Bible, my understanding of church is that its a community... but who ever heard of a community that 'happened' for two hours in a building once a week? What if we stopped understanding church as an event and started actively and intentionally doing life with the other Jesus followers in our communities? 

What if we shared meals together and painted houses together and went for walks together, and called that 'church'? 
If church is community, we need to be intentional about friendship in a time when individualism is taking over. We were made to be relational, but it seems to me as though many of us are forgetting what that looks like... sometimes we need to be brave enough to share our free time with other people. We need to invite people into our homes and share the simple things that we enjoy with other people, to create memories and build friendships.

What if we raised money together and adopted children together and visited the lonely together, and called that 'church'? 
The church is called to reach out into a hurting world. We're called to bring the love and light of Jesus to those who don't know him - so let's make this our 'normal' and lets make it something that we do together.

What if we studied the bible together and taught each other about what we've been learning, and called that 'church'? 
God loves and speaks to all of us... and it's not just with non-Christians that we should be sharing about Jesus. Some of the most powerful things that God has told me have been through other people. Sharing study and ideas and questions together should be something that is normal for us with our Christian friends.

What if we danced together and stood in awe of God's creation together and celebrated His goodness together, and called that 'church'?
We follow a God who is incredible and holy and worthy of our worship... and that doesn't have to just be through song on a Sunday morning. Let's go and see the world he's made and tell him how awesome it is, or celebrate and use the gifts that he's given us and give him the glory... let's get creative with the ways that we worship and glorify God.

What if we laughed together and cried together and shared our frustrations with each other and tried to support each other, and called that 'church'?
The bible teaches that the church is a family... that means we look out for each other. It means we hold our brothers and sisters when they're crying. It means we do whatever we can to help and to make life better. It means we listen to each other and help to carry one another's burdens.

I don't know about you... but church to me is so much more than an event on a Sunday and it includes so many more people that the others who I meet with on a Sunday morning. Church is the community of Jesus followers that God has put around me who I love doing all sorts of different things in life with. We share normality and service and study and worship and struggles and successes and so many other things, and we do it all day, on every day of the week... Including Sunday morning!

Why it's good to be vulnerable

I really struggle with small talk.

I love friendships and conversations that are sincere and deep. There is a time and a place for small talk and for discussing the weather and the price of eggs, but the heart of our friendships is formed on real conversation which demands honesty and vulnerability. Two of my favourite questions to ask my friends are 'what has God been teaching you lately?' and 'how is your heart?' - a question which says 'how are you?' without permission for an answer of 'I'm fine, how are you?'. 

I want to ask my friends questions which demonstrate to them that I really care about how they really are. I want to know about their struggles and their achievements, the things that they're excited about and the things that they fear. I want to have conversations about the things that we're learning. I want to reflect on life together and grow together.

It's in these conversations that friendships grow deep and that life really happens.

Deep conversations demand vulnerability. It's scary to share what's on your heart with another human being. But being willing to be vulnerable with the people we choose to be friends with is one of the most profitable things that we can do. It demonstrates trust, aids understanding and grows love.

In a few weeks time I'll be speaking at a youth event with the title 'Faith is Relational'. Its something I'm looking forward to exploring and writing because for a long time I've held the conviction that the most important things in life are our relationships with others. But if the best relationships with friends are the ones where we are willing to be vulnerable and share the depths of our hearts, surely the same applies to God? 

So many of our prayers are questions and requests... but some of the most powerful prayers are different from that. Some of the most powerful prayers are the one's where we just talk, where we say "God I'm so frustrated! I can't believe that this of all things would decide to happen today!" or "God I've had a brilliant day today, this happened and that happened and I'm so excited about this!"

God wants our hearts, not our lists. He is a relational God and he cares so deeply about each of us. Just like I want to hear from my friends about what is on their hearts, God wants the same from us. He wants us to trust him and love him and he wants to be there when we need to vent and when we want to get excited.

We're created as relational people and I truly believe that life is fuller when we're more open - with one another and with God.

So... How's your heart?

Why I'll never be satisfied and why that's a good thing

A while ago, a good friend of mine told me that he hopes that he is never satisfied in his relationship with God - that he hopes that he never reaches a place where he feels he is close enough to God.  I thought it was an odd thing to say, but I think I kind of get his point - God is so big and incredible that any state of thinking we've reached a place of knowing the fullness of him is surely an illusion.

There will always be more of God for me to know, there will always be a deeper intimacy with him available, and I so I should always be seeking more than I already have. 

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote; "I want to know Christ... not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

The pursuit is unrelenting; the thirst for more of God is unquenchable. The more I find of Him, the more I want... and I find that really hard.

...but I'm beginning to learn that there is joy to be found in running towards God. With each step that takes me closer towards Him, I find a joy I've never known elsewhere. With each step deeper into intimacy with Him I experience more and more of his love - a love sweeter that I know how to describe. 

There is a song I've been listening to for a while called 'In Over My Head' (Which you can listen to here), the lyrics do a better job of describing this than I do...

I have come to this place in my life I’m full but I’ve not satisfied This longing to have more of YouI can feel it my heart is convincedI’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched ... 

...Take me back to the place where my heart was only about YouAnd all I wanted was just to be with You... 

...Further and further my heart moves away from the shoreWhatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

The longing is insatiable, but the depths of intimacy with my creator are bottomless. But there is joy in the pursuit of Him and I'm only just beginning to discover it.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

Has the Church forgotten how to pray?

Something that has been on my heart for a good few months now is the heartbreaking truth that so many people don't know God... and I'm not just talking about those who aren't Christian. There are far too many people in our churches, house groups and christian friendship circles, who don't know God. 

They might know a lot about God, they might know the Bible well, they might be able to quote scripture and discuss theology. They might even be preaching, leading Sunday School and writing books, but there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God.

This genuinely breaks my heart. Its not a judgement; its a cry from my heart that we need to do something about this, because intimacy with my creator is the most beautiful experience that I have the inexpressible joy of knowing daily, and I want that for everyone. 

To be able to chat with God about what you're watching on TV, to be able to laugh with him as you try to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, to shout at him when you're angry and cry to him when you're heart is hurting, to share your yearnings and fears, your successes and failures, your random thoughts and your meaningless ramblings - this is genuine friendship and real intimacy. This is what God wants us to have with him.

It blows my mind that this kind of relationship is possible with the creator of our world, the most Holy God whose glory fills the earth. And yet it is exactly what he wants for us.

I wonder whether we need to re-learn how to pray? We model prayer from the front of church as something that you read off of a piece of paper in a voice that you never use in normal conversation, and too many people never get to see that prayer can be an informal and intimate conversation. They never learn to recognise the countless ways that God communicates to us because we so rarely talk about it... they're missing out big time and it's heartbreaking. 

Have you ever tried chatting with God in the same way that you would with a friend? Chat to him about what you see around you, tell him the best and worst bit of your day... tell him a joke! (hmm this is where omniscience kinda ruins the punch-line!)
Have you ever asked him a random question? ... "God, If I was a type of breakfast cereal, what would I be?" 
"God, what is your favourite thing about me?" 
"God, when was the last time you wept over me?"

Chase after God and lose yourself in the depths of intimacy with him that will never run out.

... and then go tell someone about it so they can know God too!

When we come running

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of giving one of the talks at a youth weekend away that we ran. I love talking, and I love sharing truth with people, so it was something I was excited about doing, but I wasn't expecting to be impacted quite as much as I was. In the time that I spent preparing for this talk, God taught me so much and I wanted to share it...

Ephesians 1:5 says "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

The very idea of that just blows my mind! The God of the universe, who made the stars and the oceans, the all powerful God of the Bible who could choose anything of his desire to make him happy... chose us to bring him 'great pleasure'.

I've spent the past couple of weeks just soaking in the fresh realization of how much God loves me and wants me. Its something we all get told so much and whilst I've known it for years, I've understood it in a new and powerful way recently, and I pray that you can too!

I told a story in my talk about a little girl - the daughter of one of my good friends. The story was from a moment when I arrived to pick her up and before I even had time to walk to the door, she came running out to me with her arms outstretched and she barreled into my arms. This was such a precious moment to me. I could tell stories about her doing wise and intelligent and funny things, but my favorite moments are those when she comes running... she's not even my child, so how much more does God love it when we come running to him?!

I've learnt recently that we don't always have to talk when we spend time with God... and he doesn't necessarily have to talk either if he chooses not to, but we can just enjoy sitting at his feet - enjoying just resting in his presence, knowing that he is here and he loves us and we love him. I can't explain the love of God in words... but I'm sure he'll have no trouble revealing it to you if you'll give him the chance.

Nothing I can do...

God has been challenging me recently about why I do what I do. Its always great when I hear that my young people love our groups and activities. Its amazing when I get to see how God is having an impact in their lives. Its lovely to sometimes hear people say that I'm doing well - encouragement is really important and something that I'm always so grateful for... but somehow I've managed to find myself beginning to believe that in all of this - in pleasing people; in 'doing a good job', I was somehow pleasing God.

The truth is that I could never hope to do anything that is good enough to please God.

That is what is so incredible about grace. I believe in a gospel of salvation by grace. I believe in a God who loved me while I was still broken. I believe in a God who made a way for me to be righteous whilst I was still a sinner. I believe in a God who has loved me from the beginning of time.

God knew how much I would mess up. He knew that I would be imperfect. He knew all the silly things that I would do, all the mistakes I would make, all the hurt I would cause, and he chose to breathe life into me regardless.

There is nothing that I can ever do to make God love me any more, and nothing I can ever do to make him love me any less. I could turn my back on the work that God has called me to and mess up my life more than anyone could ever imagine, but God would still be standing there with arms outstretched, waiting for me to come home. 

My faith, my relationship with God, my salvation and my hope does not rest on what I can ever do for God. It rests in the incredible, outrageous grace and love of my extraordinary God, who loves me simply because he loves me. My obedience to his will and his command is secondary to that - it is for my own good, because his plan for my life is the best plan for my life. In trying to obey him, I'm simply submitting to the fact that he knows what is best for me better that I do.

The love of God is outrageous and I hope that I will always remember that God loves me because he loves me - not because of anything that I can hope to achieve for him.

If you're interested in what I get up to in my role as a YTP youth worker with Isle of Wight YFC, have a read of this blog... http://gunvillemethodistyouthwork.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/winter.html

More than just Christmas boxes

In church this morning we took a moment to bring the Christmas boxes to the front and to pray for them and those that will receive them. It's so great that so many people get so involved in packing a shoebox and sending it off to someone who is less fortunate. I've handed them out myself and seen firsthand the joy on so many precious faces when they receive their Christmas gifts.

Christmas 2012 in Nansana

So let's not limit this to Christmas. A shoe-box will put a smile on a little one's face for a few moments and they will enjoy playing with a new toy and maybe get a new toothbrush and sponge, but tragically, many of these kids might still go hungry the next day. Many of these kids are still not in school. Many of these kids share a space on a mat on the floor at night with their siblings and walk to fetch water from a dirty spring.

Please do go ahead and pack a shoe-box, pack it with toys and toiletries and lots of love and prayers. Pack it because it will put a smile on the face of a precious little one this Christmas.

But please, please, please - have a serious think about how we can make sure that these kids get more than just a Christmas present this year. Some of us will probably spend more on gifts this Christmas than it would cost to educate a child for a year.

https://my.compassionuk.org/app/sponsor/campaign/

http://www.smileinternational.org/sponsor-a-child.aspx

Learning to read at school in Kuffu

If you're interested in what I get up to as a youthworker on the Isle of Wight, I keep a youth work blog here!

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