Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

(One of) The Best Jobs in the World

Call me mad but this weekend I took a group of 8-18 year olds camping at SPREE 2015! Our young people spent the weekend playing on inflatables, swimming, squirting each other with water pistols and making fires. We ate some amazing food, ran around in the woods, sat on the grass making friendship bracelets and chatted about God's love and rescue plan.

Youth work is exhausting... somehow, in a weekend we attempted to build relationships, introduce young people to Jesus, keep them hydrated and fed, prevent sunburn, deal with scrapes, not lose anyone, entertain everyone, find lost possessions, teach kids how to be responsible, answer really deep theological questions... I could go on! And all that on 4 hours sleep! (Yes, they got up with the sun at 5am!)

But the truth is, although I came home on Sunday evening with absolutely no energy left, I came home with a real gratitude to God for the work that I get to do. I may deal with a lot of drama and madness and yes, sometimes my young people drive me slightly crazy, but I have a love for them beyond any capacity I ever thought myself capable of. I get to chat and laugh and cry with them. I get to pray with them and share my faith with them. I get to watch them grow as they let God transform them and I get to journey with them through their struggles and trials.

2 years ago the one thing that I was sure I would never do was youth work - I wasn't cool enough or capable enough for that... but as I've trusted him, God has shown me what it means to let him work through us. 2 years ago I didn't think myself capable of loving this many people this much, but as I've prayed, God has grown my heart to truly and genuinely love these young people in a way that only he can, and has opened my eyes to see these young people how he sees them.

So whether I'm cleaning up mess, comforting a frightened 10 year old, disciplining a cheeky teenager or praying with an excited group of young girls, I do it all from a place of love that only my heavenly Father can make. I do it all only because my God is so much bigger than my own abilities and self-expectations and I give him all the glory and thanks because he's blessed me so much to spend my time investing in these precious young lives.

Has the Church forgotten how to pray?

Something that has been on my heart for a good few months now is the heartbreaking truth that so many people don't know God... and I'm not just talking about those who aren't Christian. There are far too many people in our churches, house groups and christian friendship circles, who don't know God. 

They might know a lot about God, they might know the Bible well, they might be able to quote scripture and discuss theology. They might even be preaching, leading Sunday School and writing books, but there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God.

This genuinely breaks my heart. Its not a judgement; its a cry from my heart that we need to do something about this, because intimacy with my creator is the most beautiful experience that I have the inexpressible joy of knowing daily, and I want that for everyone. 

To be able to chat with God about what you're watching on TV, to be able to laugh with him as you try to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, to shout at him when you're angry and cry to him when you're heart is hurting, to share your yearnings and fears, your successes and failures, your random thoughts and your meaningless ramblings - this is genuine friendship and real intimacy. This is what God wants us to have with him.

It blows my mind that this kind of relationship is possible with the creator of our world, the most Holy God whose glory fills the earth. And yet it is exactly what he wants for us.

I wonder whether we need to re-learn how to pray? We model prayer from the front of church as something that you read off of a piece of paper in a voice that you never use in normal conversation, and too many people never get to see that prayer can be an informal and intimate conversation. They never learn to recognise the countless ways that God communicates to us because we so rarely talk about it... they're missing out big time and it's heartbreaking. 

Have you ever tried chatting with God in the same way that you would with a friend? Chat to him about what you see around you, tell him the best and worst bit of your day... tell him a joke! (hmm this is where omniscience kinda ruins the punch-line!)
Have you ever asked him a random question? ... "God, If I was a type of breakfast cereal, what would I be?" 
"God, what is your favourite thing about me?" 
"God, when was the last time you wept over me?"

Chase after God and lose yourself in the depths of intimacy with him that will never run out.

... and then go tell someone about it so they can know God too!

Unexpected Beach Trips

Recently, I had an experience that I had imagined countless times, but I wasn't sure whether it would ever become a reality. When I first moved to the Isle of Wight, I used to make a regular trip down to my favourite beach - I enjoyed the drive and would use the opportunity to take some time out to pray and think. 

I'll always miss my friends in Uganda, but back then I had just moved back to the UK and was really struggling... I used to daydream about one day bringing a friend from Uganda to the beach with me. I can remember so many times that I drove that journey imagining what it would be like to have one of my precious friends that I'd met 4000 miles away sitting next to me as we drove towards the ocean.

Well, this month I had a visit from my friend Lawrence. He's been in the UK for a few months because he got married here in December, but just before he went back to Uganda, he made a visit to the island... so I took him to the beach! We had such a brilliant day and I absolutely loved getting to show one of my favourite parts of God's creation to a friend who had never seen anything like it before. 

The fact that the sea is salty and that the rocks in the cliff have straight lines in them from where the layers have built up, the fact that you cant see anything on the other side of the water and that the beach is bigger or smaller at different times of day - all of these things were new to Lawrence and it was such a blessing to get to show him.

The thing is, when I first met Lawrence, I never would have imagined that one day I would see him in England. When I first moved to the island, although I used to daydream about taking friends from Uganda to the beach, I never really expected it to actually happen.

... but this did happen!

I believe in a God who is bigger than 4000miles and the cost of a plane ticket and the logistics of a visa. I believe in a God who is bigger than my expectations and who loves to surprise us and bless us.

I'm excited to see what else he'll surprise me with as I continue to enjoy the adventures he takes me on ...maybe I should think even bigger with my daydreams!

When we come running

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of giving one of the talks at a youth weekend away that we ran. I love talking, and I love sharing truth with people, so it was something I was excited about doing, but I wasn't expecting to be impacted quite as much as I was. In the time that I spent preparing for this talk, God taught me so much and I wanted to share it...

Ephesians 1:5 says "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

The very idea of that just blows my mind! The God of the universe, who made the stars and the oceans, the all powerful God of the Bible who could choose anything of his desire to make him happy... chose us to bring him 'great pleasure'.

I've spent the past couple of weeks just soaking in the fresh realization of how much God loves me and wants me. Its something we all get told so much and whilst I've known it for years, I've understood it in a new and powerful way recently, and I pray that you can too!

I told a story in my talk about a little girl - the daughter of one of my good friends. The story was from a moment when I arrived to pick her up and before I even had time to walk to the door, she came running out to me with her arms outstretched and she barreled into my arms. This was such a precious moment to me. I could tell stories about her doing wise and intelligent and funny things, but my favorite moments are those when she comes running... she's not even my child, so how much more does God love it when we come running to him?!

I've learnt recently that we don't always have to talk when we spend time with God... and he doesn't necessarily have to talk either if he chooses not to, but we can just enjoy sitting at his feet - enjoying just resting in his presence, knowing that he is here and he loves us and we love him. I can't explain the love of God in words... but I'm sure he'll have no trouble revealing it to you if you'll give him the chance.

Beauty and Brokenness

I've written and re-written this post so many times now... what I'm trying to express is close to being inexpressible... and yet my heart is crying so loud about it that I can't give up on trying to put it into words.

There is such a tension in my heart... 

Part of me wants to send everyone to Africa. I want everyone to spend time living with local people and learning about the culture and letting Africa capture your heart in the same way that it has done to mine. I want you to go and live and experience and understand... because no words that I can write or speak will ever express what Africa has taught me.

Africa is so beautiful and we have so much to learn from her and her people. In Africa, I learnt the real meaning of generosity. I learnt the real meaning of selflessness. I learnt how valuable and precious each individual person is. I learnt how to celebrate. I learnt what joy is. I learnt what it means to have strength and courage. And I want everyone to learn all of this too.

And yet, another part of me wants to stop anyone from ever having anything to do with Africa... I want to protect this beautiful continent and her incredible, strong, loving and gracious people from the broken world that the west is. I can see the effect of globalization and my heart breaks when I see well meaning people from the west inadvertently robbing Africa of what makes her Africa. In our arrogant state we assume that we can be the hero and fix the problems of Africa, but we fail to recognize the brokenness of our own culture and we don't realize that we're dripping our own brokenness into this precious continent... whilst we might be helping in some ways, we're only breaking her in other ways in the process.

But among all of this is the evil reality of extreme poverty. How can any of us stand back and continue in our selfish, luxurious lives, knowing that families are starving and hurting and dying and being stripped of their dignity? My African friends teach me daily that poverty is not faceless. Poverty is something which effects real people who are individuals with likes and dislikes and hopes and dreams. They have gifts and talents and hurts and challenges... they all have a story. These are real people and I wish we could understand that and stop talking about "poverty" and start talking about people... and then start doing something about it.

...but my prayer is that we can do something about it by working together and recognizing how much we have to learn, and how much everyone has to offer. My prayer is that in fighting the injustice we call "poverty", none of us will lose who we are, but instead, we'll learn from each other, hope together, love one another and celebrate together. 

Everyone should have a close friend who is living with poverty... then maybe we might all understand that people are real, and that poverty is unfair, and that we all hold the solution.

But actually, no one should have a close friend who is living with poverty... because poverty shouldn't exist. Perhaps if we gave each other a chance, we could learn how to overcome it together.

Paper Beads

This week and last I've been teaching some of the girls that I work with how to make beads - the same way that I was taught in a little wooden church in a slum community called Nabulagala in Kampala. Its been great fun and the girls are enjoying it and are excited about the jewelry that we're going to make together. Its made me so happy to see them embracing this and to know that this is something that I learnt from Uganda that I've been able to pass on as a skill in the UK - I believe that we all can learn from each other, and to see a small part of this actually happening in what I'm doing is exciting!

There is a tension in my heart between my heart for Uganda and my heart for the young people that God has called me to work with at the moment. I'm honestly so blessed by the young people that I work with. They're all beautiful and creative and unique. They never fail to make me laugh, some of them make me cry (for them, not because of them!), they inspire me, they teach me (without even realizing they're doing it) and I'm incredibly grateful to get to work with them. 

Some of our paper beads next to a necklace from Uganda

One of my young people asked me to help her to pray recently. When I asked what she wanted to pray about, she said 'that God will help the people in Uganda.' I smiled and prayed with her. I've always said to the girls that I'll be honest with them - they know that they can ask me anything and I'll be open. That means that they know all kinds of random facts about me, but it also means that they know how I feel about Uganda and this sweet little girl echoed my heart in her prayer. My prayer, is that all of these girls will also know that they are equally as precious to me... I hope that they know that they are the reason I am still here.

There's not a lot I can do about the things, people and places I hold in my heart. Some are relatively easy, like keeping up with friends and family in the UK, some are not so simple and somehow, I have to make them work together... my prayer is that rather than my girls feeling like my heart is elsewhere, this will actually have the opposite effect, and that in knowing what I'm sacrificing to stay here, these girls will understand how precious they are to me and that this might just reveal to them a small shadow of how precious they are to God.

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If you'd like to buy some jewelry from Uganda, I still have a few bits for sale and all the money will go towards a youth ministry that a friend of mine runs in Kampala.

If you'd like to read a bit more about my youth work, I keep a youth work blog here.