When Feminism Shames Femininity

I've been stewing this for a while and have come back to this blog many times to delete and re-write the whole thing... but today I saw an article about a garden centre which removed two products because they were 'sexist and insulting'.

A customer complained that these signs were 'patronising and insulting' and insisted that 

"I don't want people telling my granddaughter what she should do to be a proper girl like painting her nails and baking cupcakes while boys are climbing trees, building forts, and going on adventures and doing all the exciting things in life."

...as though 'boys' activities are better. That 'girls' activities are not as good - are boring and unexciting.

As a woman, I love to sew and bake and plant flowers. I enjoy hosting and cooking and singing. Call me old fashioned, but I love these things - they bring joy and colour into my life and whilst you might find it insulting that a girl would be encouraged to do these things, I find it insulting that someone might see my femininity as invaluable enough to be an insult.

Don't get me wrong - I appreciate that people are different, and I'm all for girls doing the stereotypical 'boy' things too - I also love climbing trees and hanging upside down from monkey bars (yes, even at the grand old age of 23!). I love to go running and camping and sausages are always best on an open fire! (...and if boys want to do the stereotypical 'girl' things, I have no problem with that either!)

I am all for equal opportunities and all that... But I am also a woman who actually likes to do the 'stereotypical' female things, and it feels like society is getting so caught up in feminism that we're starting to shame femininity.

I am a woman. 

I am valuable - no more or less than a man. 

I am incredibly fortunate to live in a country where I have opportunities and choices - no more or less than a man. 

...But whilst I fully support equality of value regardless of gender, I also choose to embrace femininity... so I will bake and sew and have tea parties to my heart's content, and you're welcome any time!

Again, please stop asking when I'm going to get married!

Around 2 years ago, I wrote a blog post called 'Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!' ...shortly afterwards the guy I'd written about in that post; the one whom the ladies at church had been winking at(!), asked me to be his girlfriend. We've had the most wonderful months since then, getting to know one another and doing our best to figure out how we do this 'dating' thing as Christians in a way that best honours God and honours each other. 

So for those who kept asking me when I was going to meet 'a nice young man,' I now can point them in the direction of my best friend - a 'nice young man' who's love for God drew my heart to his.

...but the question hasn't gone away, and with our lives becoming more and more filled with news of friends' engagements, weddings and even babies, it only seems to be becoming all the more frequent.

As though maybe we've made such a big decision and chosen not to tell you...?!

I love this 'nice young man' with all my heart, and I can't imagine a future without him, but if we choose to spend that future together, it's likely to last a long time... so I'd rather know that we've both taken the time we need to be sure of our choice to love one another for the entirety of it. And until then, I'd rather spend the present living in the present. 

I know your question is well meant; a desire to celebrate with us? A gentle nudge towards what you think will be a great life for us? ...but in all honesty, it's not helping with that whole 'living in the present' thing.

Thank you; genuinely, for your well meant thoughts. But can I suggest something else? 

Next time you want to ask whether that question has been asked, ask us instead what we're learning about love. Ask us what we're learning about Jesus through one another. Ask us how we're doing with figuring out the way we're choosing to date as Christians.

...the truth is, our lives are about more than our relationship status (thank God!). Married or not, we will have good days and bad days, we will be learning and growing, hoping and dreaming, struggling and celebrating. We will be running towards Jesus and doing our best to live our lives in the way that he designed us to live them... and we'd love to share them with you!

#ItsNotJesus

There are 2 viral hashtags going around at the moment, #thingschristianwomenhear and #youdontknowevangelicals

Reading through twitter this evening, some of them have made me laugh out loud:

#youdontknowevangelicals if you've never had Church leaders prefer you being taught Christian doctrine by cartoon vegetables than by a woman

#youdontknowevangelicals if you've never walked into an unexpectedly empty house and wondered if the Rapture happened without you

Others have made me cringe with regret and sadness at the way that people have been treated by others in the church... 

That people in the church are making people feel inadequate, undervalued and disrespected is not okay. But whilst it might be common, it's not Jesus.

I see plenty of hurt in the church - too much... it's caused and inflicted by broken people. But the truth is that even when the church has let you down, Jesus hasn't - and he wont. There are those in the church (and in the rest of the world!) who oppress and blame and undervalue and mistreat. But there are also those in the world who really are being used by God... these are the people who build up and restore and listen and care. They encourage and invest in others and love deeply and fight for justice.

This is the church that I know and am proud to be a part of... we don't pretend to be perfect. The church is centred on the fact that we're broken and sinful and in need of a saviour. Even the most decent people will inflict pain at some point in their lives. But we do have a saviour. A saviour who radically fought against an oppressive culture and spoke of limitless love, generosity and peace. A saviour who defeated the power of sin and death and promised a future of hope.

So, here's my hands up - I am a Christian, I am an evangelical, I am flawed, I am sorry... But I know a God who loves me in my brokenness and chooses to use this messed up church to bring his hope to all the world.

Life After Uni

So, in the last 8 months I've finished uni, left the place I called home for 3 years, travelled around Italy, started a new job, moved into my own flat in a new place, joined a new church... and then life kind of settled down.

So in the interest of 'being real' and sharing about how life really is, here is one of a few lessons I've learned about 'life after uni'...

The years between leaving school and starting a job seem to be a blur of new places, new people, learning about yourself, learning about life, trips, travelling, essays, adventures, love, laughter, making crazily scary decisions about the rest of your life, squeezing as much life out of life as you can while you're relatively free of responsibility... I could go on.

I've spent the last 4 years absolutely relishing the adventure that life has been and I got used to the fast-paced, 'what-on-earth-is-coming-next?' kind of life...

But now I have a full time job, rent to pay, my friends are busy with work (as am I!) and are far away ...so what free time I have tends to be a pretty predictable pattern of time spent with my family and my boyfriend, time spent in front of the sink tackling the never-ending mountain of washing up that accumulates when you don't have a dishwasher but like to bake... and time spent with the Friends box-set that a friend from church lent me!

Things just aren't so exciting anymore. Don't get me wrong, there's so much about life that is so wonderful and that brings me so much joy... I love my job, and I love my new church and village. I love the variety and the banter and the wonderful people I'm surrounded by. I love being able to see so much more of my family and Tim. I love figuring out how to do life as an adult and I love the space and freedom that comes with living on my own for a while. But I'm having to come to terms with the fact that life has seasons of excitement and seasons of calmness. And it's taking me a while to get used to slowing down.

...Perhaps I should make the most of the peace while it lasts?

More joy than we realise!

I recently watched a film called 'Hector and the Search for Happiness' (as recommended by my amazing Mum and made possible by the fact that my boyfriend left his Netflix account logged in on my laptop!) In the film, Hector travels the world asking people whether they're happy and recording his findings about how people can be happy. He discovers things like 

'Happiness is feeling truly alive' 

'Making comparisons can spoil your happiness'

'Happiness is being loved for who you are'.

'Sweet potato stew!' 

Happiness and joy have been things I've been thinking about a lot lately. There seem to be so many people in the world, and even just among the group of people I spend time with, who seem to struggle to find it. Hey, I I think we all do sometimes, and that's okay! But read on...

Another of Hector's observations was;

'Avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness.'

I really think our friend Hector might be on to something here. When I think about times I've been most happy, it hasn't been when I've set out to be happy, or to avoid being sad - it's just been a natural product of whatever situation I've been in. Times when I go out to spend time with a friend and we end up creasing up at stories we share, or I set out to help someone out and then enjoy a brilliant conversation with them, or I set my mind to achieving something new and as a result I find joy in the things I learn and the sense of accomplishment. These things might also bring us struggles, disappointments and trouble, but they are also much more likely to bring us joy than simply setting out to 'be happy' and I think we need to appreciate that more! Authentic joy can't be planned and created... but it can be experienced. 

A friend of mine recently gave me a Christian Aid Collective booklet, and in the front page it has this quote...

'All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip or dance, just don't tiptoe.'

Shane Claiborne

What if we stopped worrying so much about things that might be difficult and instead started to look around us and appreciate the things that bring us joy and make us happy right now? There will always be struggles in life, but if we focus on them, we'll miss the joy! What if we spent more time talking about and appreciating the things that make us happy than the things that make us sad? I expect there might just be more joy in life than we realise :)

The best job in the world

A Facebook friend recently posted a quote from Pete Greig on Facebook which said "I think that being a youth worker is one of the hardest, most important and most undervalued jobs in the country."

In many ways, I absolutely agree. I know so many youth workers who are so often under-appreciated and misunderstood. It's one of those jobs that involves a lot more than what most people see... 

My friends probably think I spend all my time making a fool of myself, dressing up with pants on my head and chasing young people around. My young people probably think I spend all my time reading my Bible (either that or sleeping at the church the same way kids assume their teachers live at school!). I can imagine there are those who assume I spend all my time chilling out and occasionally leading a youth group in the evening. I like to think I spend all my time having life changing conversations with young people and leading them to God, but I'm all too aware of the truth, which is that often, the majority of my time is taken up with paperwork and meetings!

It would be easy to write a blog arguing the case for over-worked and undervalued youth workers, but I don't want to do that... because this evening I've just come back from a youth group where I had the chance to share the gospel with my young people and to see them respond. I got to work with a fantastic team of servant hearted volunteers and to spend my evening with a bunch of young people who make me laugh and celebrate life!

Youth work is hard, but it's fantastic. I love the variety and the challenge in seeing a need, having an idea, and doing everything necessary to make it happen. I love the process of walking alongside a young person as they journey through life. I love getting to watch God change people's lives. I love the variety of serious and ridiculous - I might be working at a computer in the morning, but come evening I'll be wearing a pair of tights on my head with a tennis ball in the end, trying to knock over a bottle before my opponent beats me to it! 

I might work weird and irregular hours and do a whole load of behind the scenes often unappreciated work, (and I might regret writing this in a few days or weeks time!) but I really do think youth work is brilliant. I think young people are brilliant and I think loads of our volunteers are brilliant and I think God is brilliant and I'm so glad that I get to work with them all!

Do we need to stop working so hard?

I recently learnt (again!) an important lesson about rest. In the midst of life and study and ministry its so easy to just keep going and never take any time out. Too often I find myself climbing into bed at the end of the day having not stopped since I left the house in the morning... part of that is the nature of youth work as I do admin in the day and then have youth groups in the evenings at a time when any other sane person would be having time off... but part of it is my own lack of planning and, if I'm honest, pride.

Again and again I seem to have to learn the lesson that my value and worth is not found in how much work I can do or how well I can do it. That is for God's glory - not mine, because ultimately, he is the one enabling it all to happen.

Instead, my value and my worth is found in my status as a daughter of the King of Kings.

Nothing I can do or fail to do will ever change that.

So today I woke up a little earlier and instead of getting up and going straight to work, I went for a walk. For the first time in too long I actually took the time to look around and appreciate the little things that make me smile - the sound of birds singing or surprised smile on the face of the postman I said 'hi' to.

As I walked, I remembered the familiar words of Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul."

Rest is a commandment and is something that God planned for us and wants for us. I'm glad he's reminded me of that and I hope we can all remember to stop every now and then and simply get some rest!

When did church become a once a week event?

When did church become something that we go to on a Sunday morning? 

It might seem like a ridiculous question to ask - I've been going to church almost every Sunday morning for the past 22 years. I've been to church in countries all around the world, in different languages, with different styles of music and varying qualities of teaching... but they're all relatively similar... and yet when I look at the Bible it doesn't really seem to fit with what I think a Biblical idea of 'church' looks like.

When I look to the Bible, my understanding of church is that its a community... but who ever heard of a community that 'happened' for two hours in a building once a week? What if we stopped understanding church as an event and started actively and intentionally doing life with the other Jesus followers in our communities? 

What if we shared meals together and painted houses together and went for walks together, and called that 'church'? 
If church is community, we need to be intentional about friendship in a time when individualism is taking over. We were made to be relational, but it seems to me as though many of us are forgetting what that looks like... sometimes we need to be brave enough to share our free time with other people. We need to invite people into our homes and share the simple things that we enjoy with other people, to create memories and build friendships.

What if we raised money together and adopted children together and visited the lonely together, and called that 'church'? 
The church is called to reach out into a hurting world. We're called to bring the love and light of Jesus to those who don't know him - so let's make this our 'normal' and lets make it something that we do together.

What if we studied the bible together and taught each other about what we've been learning, and called that 'church'? 
God loves and speaks to all of us... and it's not just with non-Christians that we should be sharing about Jesus. Some of the most powerful things that God has told me have been through other people. Sharing study and ideas and questions together should be something that is normal for us with our Christian friends.

What if we danced together and stood in awe of God's creation together and celebrated His goodness together, and called that 'church'?
We follow a God who is incredible and holy and worthy of our worship... and that doesn't have to just be through song on a Sunday morning. Let's go and see the world he's made and tell him how awesome it is, or celebrate and use the gifts that he's given us and give him the glory... let's get creative with the ways that we worship and glorify God.

What if we laughed together and cried together and shared our frustrations with each other and tried to support each other, and called that 'church'?
The bible teaches that the church is a family... that means we look out for each other. It means we hold our brothers and sisters when they're crying. It means we do whatever we can to help and to make life better. It means we listen to each other and help to carry one another's burdens.

I don't know about you... but church to me is so much more than an event on a Sunday and it includes so many more people that the others who I meet with on a Sunday morning. Church is the community of Jesus followers that God has put around me who I love doing all sorts of different things in life with. We share normality and service and study and worship and struggles and successes and so many other things, and we do it all day, on every day of the week... Including Sunday morning!

...and see that you are faithful

Well it's coming towards the end of another year, and inevitably many of us are looking back on the year that is passed to reminisce, and looking forward to the year that is to come, with hope and anticipation. I can't help but look back and find myself amazed at what God has done not only this year but over the past few years. 

Two years ago I was really struggling and wondering whether I would continue with my placement on the island - I was struggling with many things, in a place I didn't know, far away from all my friends and family and feeling out of my depth in my work. All I wanted to do was to leave... but now I find myself hoping to stay after I graduate!

Even just less than a year ago we were facing major challenges in the work that we do, but God has done so much through all the amazing people that I work with and I still have the absolute joy of spending my time investing in the lives of an amazing group of young people who are ever growing in their relationships with God and with each other, and working and doing life alongside an incredible team of people.

There is a song that I love by Elevation Worship which goes 

"I will look back and see that you are faithful, I look ahead believing you are able, Jesus Lord of all" (Listen here) 

Life isn't always easy; I don't think its supposed to be... but when I look back and see how far he has brought me and others around me, I can't even attempt to deny God's faithfulness . Two years ago I hated the island that I now absolutely love. God has surrounded me with so many incredible people, in a beautiful part of the world, doing work that is so fulfilling and so much fun and I'm learning more every day. 

Christmas reminds us that God is with us - he gave everything to be with us, and he always will be. If you're struggling right now - look back and see the ways that God has been faithful in the past, and know that he will be faithful in this too. If life is good right now, celebrate that - God is good! Let's celebrate this Christmas because God is with us, he's faithful, and he'll do more than we can ever ask or imagine. 

Why it's good to be vulnerable

I really struggle with small talk.

I love friendships and conversations that are sincere and deep. There is a time and a place for small talk and for discussing the weather and the price of eggs, but the heart of our friendships is formed on real conversation which demands honesty and vulnerability. Two of my favourite questions to ask my friends are 'what has God been teaching you lately?' and 'how is your heart?' - a question which says 'how are you?' without permission for an answer of 'I'm fine, how are you?'. 

I want to ask my friends questions which demonstrate to them that I really care about how they really are. I want to know about their struggles and their achievements, the things that they're excited about and the things that they fear. I want to have conversations about the things that we're learning. I want to reflect on life together and grow together.

It's in these conversations that friendships grow deep and that life really happens.

Deep conversations demand vulnerability. It's scary to share what's on your heart with another human being. But being willing to be vulnerable with the people we choose to be friends with is one of the most profitable things that we can do. It demonstrates trust, aids understanding and grows love.

In a few weeks time I'll be speaking at a youth event with the title 'Faith is Relational'. Its something I'm looking forward to exploring and writing because for a long time I've held the conviction that the most important things in life are our relationships with others. But if the best relationships with friends are the ones where we are willing to be vulnerable and share the depths of our hearts, surely the same applies to God? 

So many of our prayers are questions and requests... but some of the most powerful prayers are different from that. Some of the most powerful prayers are the one's where we just talk, where we say "God I'm so frustrated! I can't believe that this of all things would decide to happen today!" or "God I've had a brilliant day today, this happened and that happened and I'm so excited about this!"

God wants our hearts, not our lists. He is a relational God and he cares so deeply about each of us. Just like I want to hear from my friends about what is on their hearts, God wants the same from us. He wants us to trust him and love him and he wants to be there when we need to vent and when we want to get excited.

We're created as relational people and I truly believe that life is fuller when we're more open - with one another and with God.

So... How's your heart?

Why I'll never be satisfied and why that's a good thing

A while ago, a good friend of mine told me that he hopes that he is never satisfied in his relationship with God - that he hopes that he never reaches a place where he feels he is close enough to God.  I thought it was an odd thing to say, but I think I kind of get his point - God is so big and incredible that any state of thinking we've reached a place of knowing the fullness of him is surely an illusion.

There will always be more of God for me to know, there will always be a deeper intimacy with him available, and I so I should always be seeking more than I already have. 

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote; "I want to know Christ... not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

The pursuit is unrelenting; the thirst for more of God is unquenchable. The more I find of Him, the more I want... and I find that really hard.

...but I'm beginning to learn that there is joy to be found in running towards God. With each step that takes me closer towards Him, I find a joy I've never known elsewhere. With each step deeper into intimacy with Him I experience more and more of his love - a love sweeter that I know how to describe. 

There is a song I've been listening to for a while called 'In Over My Head' (Which you can listen to here), the lyrics do a better job of describing this than I do...

I have come to this place in my life I’m full but I’ve not satisfied This longing to have more of YouI can feel it my heart is convincedI’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched ... 

...Take me back to the place where my heart was only about YouAnd all I wanted was just to be with You... 

...Further and further my heart moves away from the shoreWhatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

The longing is insatiable, but the depths of intimacy with my creator are bottomless. But there is joy in the pursuit of Him and I'm only just beginning to discover it.

What I wish I'd believed at 13

I watch the young girls that I work with and I see so many patterns repeated in their lives from my own story... If I could write a letter to my girls to make them believe the things that would have been helpful to me at their age, it would go something like this...

Celebrate what makes you different.
In school, it seems like everyone has to fit it. Anything that makes you different is something that people might dislike about you - something that might make you noticeable for all the wrong reasons. But the truth is that often, once you get into the adult world, those are the things that make you unique - those are the things that people remember and love about you! Embrace who you are and don't hide in order to be like everyone else.

School isn't everything.
I'm not saying don't try your best and I'm not saying drop out of school... but I am saying that you don't need to panic about grades and you don't need to feel guilty about actually having a life outside of school work. There is so much more to learn in life than the stuff they teach you in school and you're only going to learn it if you get out there and live!

Relationships can wait.
Something I never would have believed when I was your age is that 8 years later - at 21, I would be so thankful that I didn't get into a serious relationship at your age. It seems like there are couples everywhere and sometimes all you want is a boyfriend who will walk through school holding hands with you and kiss you as you get on the school bus. Relationships are amazing, but they can also cause a lot of pain and a lot of regret - I would encourage you not to rush into it. Read about it, talk about it, pray about it... but wait for it!

Your parents are probably right.
Now, I could be wrong, because parents are people too and we all screw up and make mistakes, but if your parents are anything like mine, they only want what they think is best for you - and you can't deny that they've had a whole lot more life experience than you have! Sometimes even if its not what you want to hear, their advice can be pretty good and worth actually listening to.

You haven't met everyone yet.
We don't all click with everyone we meet, and if you haven't found some amazing life long friends at school that doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever - there are probably going to be so many people in your life who you will share so much with, and you simply haven't met them yet!

God is interested in you.
We all hear that God loves us, but you need to understand how true that is! He wants you. He loves you and he wants you to love him. He wants you to spend time with him... and he's great company! Invest in your relationship with him and start right now.

Now is Great

"So what are you going to do after you graduate?" must be the most common question that I get asked at the moment. 
The truth is, just like most other people I know who are at the same stage in their lives; I'm less sure now that I ever have been...

In our over organised British culture, this can be a terrifying place to be.

My life is dotted with lists and spreadsheets and calendars. I have always loved to plan - I love to know what's happening next and what I need to do now to be ready for it.

But now, with one year left of my degree, I don't know what's next. I don't know whether I'll get a job or an internship or go travelling or study more... I don't know where I'll live or who I'll live with, I don't know how much money I'll have and what my budget will be. I don't know. And I'm learning that that is okay. 

I'm learning that "now is great" and that enjoying the moment is an incredibly fulfilling way to live. 

How do I reconcile this with my ever-British compulsive need to have a plan? ...well, I do have a plan - I just don't know what it is!...

A good friend of mine from Uganda recently asked me what my expectations were for a Christian festival that I'm going to. He was genuinely shocked by my answer; "I don't know... whatever God wants to do." My friend explained that its such a counter-cultural attitude compared to his experience of most English people (and his experience of me a couple of years back!). Its an attitude that I'm learning to embrace because I know that my God has a plan and I don't always have to know what it is.

So what am I going to do after I graduate? I'm going to love God and love the people he puts in front of me. I'm going to do my best to trust him and follow him wherever he takes me and do whatever he asks me to do. I'm going to embrace not knowing because I never imagined that life would be how it is now, but God brought me here and now is great!

Let's not get so caught up in trying to figure out what to do next that we forget to live right now. Let's not worry so much about the future that we miss what's going on around us in the moment. Life is brilliant! Embrace it! Stop and look around and soak in all the details of a life you're living right now. Put the future into God's hands because there will always be a future to worry about but there is only ever one 'right now'.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married!

I recently brought a male friend to church, and he told me later that afternoon that people were winking at him during the service! We laughed, but I was actually disgusted by what this reflects of a much deeper issue. 

Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!

I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.

The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.

"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"

Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.

A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.

Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.

So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.

(One of) The Best Jobs in the World

Call me mad but this weekend I took a group of 8-18 year olds camping at SPREE 2015! Our young people spent the weekend playing on inflatables, swimming, squirting each other with water pistols and making fires. We ate some amazing food, ran around in the woods, sat on the grass making friendship bracelets and chatted about God's love and rescue plan.

Youth work is exhausting... somehow, in a weekend we attempted to build relationships, introduce young people to Jesus, keep them hydrated and fed, prevent sunburn, deal with scrapes, not lose anyone, entertain everyone, find lost possessions, teach kids how to be responsible, answer really deep theological questions... I could go on! And all that on 4 hours sleep! (Yes, they got up with the sun at 5am!)

But the truth is, although I came home on Sunday evening with absolutely no energy left, I came home with a real gratitude to God for the work that I get to do. I may deal with a lot of drama and madness and yes, sometimes my young people drive me slightly crazy, but I have a love for them beyond any capacity I ever thought myself capable of. I get to chat and laugh and cry with them. I get to pray with them and share my faith with them. I get to watch them grow as they let God transform them and I get to journey with them through their struggles and trials.

2 years ago the one thing that I was sure I would never do was youth work - I wasn't cool enough or capable enough for that... but as I've trusted him, God has shown me what it means to let him work through us. 2 years ago I didn't think myself capable of loving this many people this much, but as I've prayed, God has grown my heart to truly and genuinely love these young people in a way that only he can, and has opened my eyes to see these young people how he sees them.

So whether I'm cleaning up mess, comforting a frightened 10 year old, disciplining a cheeky teenager or praying with an excited group of young girls, I do it all from a place of love that only my heavenly Father can make. I do it all only because my God is so much bigger than my own abilities and self-expectations and I give him all the glory and thanks because he's blessed me so much to spend my time investing in these precious young lives.

Has the Church forgotten how to pray?

Something that has been on my heart for a good few months now is the heartbreaking truth that so many people don't know God... and I'm not just talking about those who aren't Christian. There are far too many people in our churches, house groups and christian friendship circles, who don't know God. 

They might know a lot about God, they might know the Bible well, they might be able to quote scripture and discuss theology. They might even be preaching, leading Sunday School and writing books, but there is a big difference between knowing about God, and knowing God.

This genuinely breaks my heart. Its not a judgement; its a cry from my heart that we need to do something about this, because intimacy with my creator is the most beautiful experience that I have the inexpressible joy of knowing daily, and I want that for everyone. 

To be able to chat with God about what you're watching on TV, to be able to laugh with him as you try to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, to shout at him when you're angry and cry to him when you're heart is hurting, to share your yearnings and fears, your successes and failures, your random thoughts and your meaningless ramblings - this is genuine friendship and real intimacy. This is what God wants us to have with him.

It blows my mind that this kind of relationship is possible with the creator of our world, the most Holy God whose glory fills the earth. And yet it is exactly what he wants for us.

I wonder whether we need to re-learn how to pray? We model prayer from the front of church as something that you read off of a piece of paper in a voice that you never use in normal conversation, and too many people never get to see that prayer can be an informal and intimate conversation. They never learn to recognise the countless ways that God communicates to us because we so rarely talk about it... they're missing out big time and it's heartbreaking. 

Have you ever tried chatting with God in the same way that you would with a friend? Chat to him about what you see around you, tell him the best and worst bit of your day... tell him a joke! (hmm this is where omniscience kinda ruins the punch-line!)
Have you ever asked him a random question? ... "God, If I was a type of breakfast cereal, what would I be?" 
"God, what is your favourite thing about me?" 
"God, when was the last time you wept over me?"

Chase after God and lose yourself in the depths of intimacy with him that will never run out.

... and then go tell someone about it so they can know God too!

Unexpected Beach Trips

Recently, I had an experience that I had imagined countless times, but I wasn't sure whether it would ever become a reality. When I first moved to the Isle of Wight, I used to make a regular trip down to my favourite beach - I enjoyed the drive and would use the opportunity to take some time out to pray and think. 

I'll always miss my friends in Uganda, but back then I had just moved back to the UK and was really struggling... I used to daydream about one day bringing a friend from Uganda to the beach with me. I can remember so many times that I drove that journey imagining what it would be like to have one of my precious friends that I'd met 4000 miles away sitting next to me as we drove towards the ocean.

Well, this month I had a visit from my friend Lawrence. He's been in the UK for a few months because he got married here in December, but just before he went back to Uganda, he made a visit to the island... so I took him to the beach! We had such a brilliant day and I absolutely loved getting to show one of my favourite parts of God's creation to a friend who had never seen anything like it before. 

The fact that the sea is salty and that the rocks in the cliff have straight lines in them from where the layers have built up, the fact that you cant see anything on the other side of the water and that the beach is bigger or smaller at different times of day - all of these things were new to Lawrence and it was such a blessing to get to show him.

The thing is, when I first met Lawrence, I never would have imagined that one day I would see him in England. When I first moved to the island, although I used to daydream about taking friends from Uganda to the beach, I never really expected it to actually happen.

... but this did happen!

I believe in a God who is bigger than 4000miles and the cost of a plane ticket and the logistics of a visa. I believe in a God who is bigger than my expectations and who loves to surprise us and bless us.

I'm excited to see what else he'll surprise me with as I continue to enjoy the adventures he takes me on ...maybe I should think even bigger with my daydreams!

When we come running

A couple of weekends ago I had the privilege of giving one of the talks at a youth weekend away that we ran. I love talking, and I love sharing truth with people, so it was something I was excited about doing, but I wasn't expecting to be impacted quite as much as I was. In the time that I spent preparing for this talk, God taught me so much and I wanted to share it...

Ephesians 1:5 says "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

The very idea of that just blows my mind! The God of the universe, who made the stars and the oceans, the all powerful God of the Bible who could choose anything of his desire to make him happy... chose us to bring him 'great pleasure'.

I've spent the past couple of weeks just soaking in the fresh realization of how much God loves me and wants me. Its something we all get told so much and whilst I've known it for years, I've understood it in a new and powerful way recently, and I pray that you can too!

I told a story in my talk about a little girl - the daughter of one of my good friends. The story was from a moment when I arrived to pick her up and before I even had time to walk to the door, she came running out to me with her arms outstretched and she barreled into my arms. This was such a precious moment to me. I could tell stories about her doing wise and intelligent and funny things, but my favorite moments are those when she comes running... she's not even my child, so how much more does God love it when we come running to him?!

I've learnt recently that we don't always have to talk when we spend time with God... and he doesn't necessarily have to talk either if he chooses not to, but we can just enjoy sitting at his feet - enjoying just resting in his presence, knowing that he is here and he loves us and we love him. I can't explain the love of God in words... but I'm sure he'll have no trouble revealing it to you if you'll give him the chance.

Beauty and Brokenness

I've written and re-written this post so many times now... what I'm trying to express is close to being inexpressible... and yet my heart is crying so loud about it that I can't give up on trying to put it into words.

There is such a tension in my heart... 

Part of me wants to send everyone to Africa. I want everyone to spend time living with local people and learning about the culture and letting Africa capture your heart in the same way that it has done to mine. I want you to go and live and experience and understand... because no words that I can write or speak will ever express what Africa has taught me.

Africa is so beautiful and we have so much to learn from her and her people. In Africa, I learnt the real meaning of generosity. I learnt the real meaning of selflessness. I learnt how valuable and precious each individual person is. I learnt how to celebrate. I learnt what joy is. I learnt what it means to have strength and courage. And I want everyone to learn all of this too.

And yet, another part of me wants to stop anyone from ever having anything to do with Africa... I want to protect this beautiful continent and her incredible, strong, loving and gracious people from the broken world that the west is. I can see the effect of globalization and my heart breaks when I see well meaning people from the west inadvertently robbing Africa of what makes her Africa. In our arrogant state we assume that we can be the hero and fix the problems of Africa, but we fail to recognize the brokenness of our own culture and we don't realize that we're dripping our own brokenness into this precious continent... whilst we might be helping in some ways, we're only breaking her in other ways in the process.

But among all of this is the evil reality of extreme poverty. How can any of us stand back and continue in our selfish, luxurious lives, knowing that families are starving and hurting and dying and being stripped of their dignity? My African friends teach me daily that poverty is not faceless. Poverty is something which effects real people who are individuals with likes and dislikes and hopes and dreams. They have gifts and talents and hurts and challenges... they all have a story. These are real people and I wish we could understand that and stop talking about "poverty" and start talking about people... and then start doing something about it.

...but my prayer is that we can do something about it by working together and recognizing how much we have to learn, and how much everyone has to offer. My prayer is that in fighting the injustice we call "poverty", none of us will lose who we are, but instead, we'll learn from each other, hope together, love one another and celebrate together. 

Everyone should have a close friend who is living with poverty... then maybe we might all understand that people are real, and that poverty is unfair, and that we all hold the solution.

But actually, no one should have a close friend who is living with poverty... because poverty shouldn't exist. Perhaps if we gave each other a chance, we could learn how to overcome it together.

Paper Beads

This week and last I've been teaching some of the girls that I work with how to make beads - the same way that I was taught in a little wooden church in a slum community called Nabulagala in Kampala. Its been great fun and the girls are enjoying it and are excited about the jewelry that we're going to make together. Its made me so happy to see them embracing this and to know that this is something that I learnt from Uganda that I've been able to pass on as a skill in the UK - I believe that we all can learn from each other, and to see a small part of this actually happening in what I'm doing is exciting!

There is a tension in my heart between my heart for Uganda and my heart for the young people that God has called me to work with at the moment. I'm honestly so blessed by the young people that I work with. They're all beautiful and creative and unique. They never fail to make me laugh, some of them make me cry (for them, not because of them!), they inspire me, they teach me (without even realizing they're doing it) and I'm incredibly grateful to get to work with them. 

Some of our paper beads next to a necklace from Uganda

One of my young people asked me to help her to pray recently. When I asked what she wanted to pray about, she said 'that God will help the people in Uganda.' I smiled and prayed with her. I've always said to the girls that I'll be honest with them - they know that they can ask me anything and I'll be open. That means that they know all kinds of random facts about me, but it also means that they know how I feel about Uganda and this sweet little girl echoed my heart in her prayer. My prayer, is that all of these girls will also know that they are equally as precious to me... I hope that they know that they are the reason I am still here.

There's not a lot I can do about the things, people and places I hold in my heart. Some are relatively easy, like keeping up with friends and family in the UK, some are not so simple and somehow, I have to make them work together... my prayer is that rather than my girls feeling like my heart is elsewhere, this will actually have the opposite effect, and that in knowing what I'm sacrificing to stay here, these girls will understand how precious they are to me and that this might just reveal to them a small shadow of how precious they are to God.

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If you'd like to buy some jewelry from Uganda, I still have a few bits for sale and all the money will go towards a youth ministry that a friend of mine runs in Kampala.

If you'd like to read a bit more about my youth work, I keep a youth work blog here.